Farewell to Lightbulb

This morning, carrying my coffee cup and newspaper, I went out on our back deck. I was earlier than usual, as I was concerned if I would see Lightbulb the fawn. I have enjoyed the past two months -- from the day she was taking her first wobbly steps -- to now when she has just about lost her spots. My granddaughter Libby selected Lightbulb's name, along with the names for the twin fawns -- Roller and Coaster.

I have a love-hate relationship with the deer. We have stopped growing flowers--we tired of encasing them in netting. The bucks rub their old horns against tree trunks in the winter ripping off the bark and killing the trees. This winter was the worst for damage from foraging--they stripped most of the evergreens clean.

On the other hand, whether drinking coffee early in the morning or entertaining guests: having Lightbulb, Roller and Coaster bouncy-bounce-by is a showstopper.

Lightbulb's mother has been very protective. One day I saw her hiss loudly at a buck and chase him away. Then there was the time she chased the bobcat out of the backyard.

Nursing by Lightbulb has been a bit rough, with Lightbulb continually punching mom's udder with her nose. When mom has had enough, she swings her leg up over Lightbulb's head and feeding time is over. When Lightbulb has been separated from her mother, she has mewed like a cat.

I had the feeling this morning that Lightbulb was not going to walk by again. Last night at dusk she came by with her mother -- her rear leg broken and dangling.

I was very upset about Lightbulb's plight. Me! The one who is always cussing the deer.

Now how do I answer the inevitable question from my granddaughter about where Lightbulb has gone?

With the truth I guess -- our backyard is not a zoo, it's a jungle.

Bye Bye, Lightbulb.

 

The Jungle

Four o'clock in the morning. I am awakened by a series of spine-tingling howls and growls through the open windows on the front and back side of our house.

I spring to the window but see nothing in the darkness.

Coyotes. Who are they executing this time: The neighbor's cat? A fox? A racoon? Hopefully it's one of those damn rabbits.

Silence. Adrenaline rush.

Sleep is now out of the picture.

 

 

Motherhood

As I walked out onto our deck, a startled bobcat walked out from under it. It looked like a small tiger with its magnificent striping.

"Lois, there's a bobcat out here," I yelled quietly  to my wife.

The bobcat walked slowly to about fifteen feet from the house and gazed back.

Then, from the side of the house charged a doe mule deer. The bobcat was reluctant to move, but the doe was persistent and chased it away.

Maybe the doe was just protecting "Lightbulb" -- the fawn my granddaughter Libby named.

Start Your Engine

Yesterday, I parked in the University of Colorado parking lot at noon. A guy got into the SUV next to me. He put a tube connected to the dash into his mouth and blew into it. He waited about fifteen seconds, started his car and drove off.

A breathalizer. My first sighting.

Math Overload

After a middle aged woman with Wanda on her nametag took my order at Quizno's today, I moved down the line to pay for my sub. I quizzed two teenagers standing behind the register, "How  ya doin."

"Boooooring," moaned the girl with Celeste on her nametag.

"Slow day?"

"Yep," as she rung up the sale; $8.69 appeared on the register screen.

I gave her a gift card worth five dollars.

When she credited the five dollars, the $8.69 morphed into $3.69.

I gave her a ten dollar bill for the remainder.

A long pause; a perplexed look. "The machine has a problem," Celeste confessed.

She yelled to Wanda, "It won't figure out the change."

Wanda couldn't fix the register problem. She then showed Celeste where the hand held calculator was kept.

It took a few tries on the calculator, but Celeste finally solved the ten take away three sixty-nine problem.

Who Are Those Two Women?

Wife Lois and I went to a pizza place that was ranked as top notch by the local news paper. We ordered our pizza and then went to the back of the room to wait.

On the wall was painted a mural that was over ten feet long. The theme of the place was New York Pizza and the painting was of a subway. There were two dozen people standing in front of and in a train. We could identify about half of the figures: Joe DiMaggio, Babe Ruth, Mohammed Ali, Gandhi, and Jesus.

We could not identify any of the people in the train. When the waitress brought the pizza, I asked her who the two women were in the last window of the train. She said, "The one on the right is me!"

______________

The mural artist had painted some of the pizza place employees in the train.

Wrong Number!

I was sitting by the fireplace when the telephone rang. It was a telephone survey.

The young voice asked me prioritize the radio stations I had listened to in the last week. I gave her the names of four stations.

She then asked, "How old are you?"

"65," I said.

There was a long pause. "Are you still there?" I said.

"How old?"

"65!" I replied.

"Is there anyone in the house between the age of 21 and 64?"